English-Creative Writing

Have you ever anticipated a night so much, that it could be your last? It was the blonde-headed girl’s most anticipated evening of all, The Formal. The sun was asleep and the moon’s time to shine. Amber gazed outside her window waiting for a certain car to gracefully take her to La La Land. Instead, the scene of a scrawny man with his untrimmed beard came into view. His chocolate eyes were like a spinning spiral, hypnotising The girl. She couldn’t take her attention away from the man stabbing a log with an axe. “Amber!” her mother shouted in a sing-song voice. Amber turned around. The door slowly opened its mouth. It revealed her mother with her signature red lips, carrying a plate of sliced cake. Amber gave her mother a grin only to get her retreating back.

As she patted her pink dress to get rid of the crease, the sound of glass shattering was heard by the entrance. Crash, the small window by the door was no longer intact. Crash, another window has been left to pieces. Crash, a peacefully sat glass are now thorns, waiting to dig through her milky skin. Amber’s brain mirrored her facial distraught. The tension in her body slowly rushed to her head. Her vision has started to betray her. All she could see was darkness with specks of bright lights, switching on and off. She held onto the smooth velvet couch, for support.

She tiptoed to the scene of the crime and peaked on the small ajared window. Her pulse quickened. The street was deserted but one car was parked in front of her house, illuminating a shadow. She recognised the black Lexus, it was her dad’s. The man she knew well strolled on the perfectly shaped path. Loudly, she yelled for help. Her father gazed her way and scrunched his eyebrows. Seeing the distress in his daughter’s blue eyes, the man in the suit bolted to the door. His keys were jingling in alarm. As he was still struggling with the clump of metal in his hands, a shadow had blocked the faint light of the street lamp. It casted a silhouette of a man holding a sharp weapon. Simultaneously Amber had rushed to the huge wooden door. Her vibrating hands slowly reached for the round knob. Whack! A metal object sliced down the mahogany. The red liquid from the axe dripped down on their marbled floor.

Still, in her state of hysteria, her eyes grew big and she raced to the kitchen in a panic. The smell of freshly baked cake still lingered with a hint of the rotten smell. Headed to the back, a trail of thick blood led to the opened door and there was her mother. The woman laid there lifeless on her own pool of blood, her face didn’t plaster the same smile, instead, it was empty. The wind slapped her face but she felt numb. Amber’s distress transformed into anger.

Stealthily, she retorted back to the entrance. She put one foot forward and scanned the yard. A shining metal covered in blood piqued her interest, an axe. As if it’s warning anyone nearby, her high heels marched on the street, echoing. She spotted the same wrinkled man from earlier. With her eyebrows scrunched and fist tightly together, she swung the murderous object mercilessly. Her tongue tasted metal. The neatly ironed dress was now covered in spots of blood. Her perfectly applied makeup was now decorated with evidence.

Behind her house, she dispatched the body. As she looked at her reflection on the glass, she fixed her hair, putting on the brightest smile she could foster. BEEP. BEEP. Her carpool has arrived. She strutted down the same path of her father’s death ground. She waved at her friends like it was just a normal night. She got into the brightly lit limo that’s been filled by a strong scent of alcohol. Amber looked outside the tinted glass that made her eyes widened. A man. A man was standing in front of her lawn. The same one her mother and father witnessed.

Similes, Metaphors and Personification:

 the piece of glass that’s been sitting peacefully are now thorns, waiting to dig through her flesh.

The sun was asleep and  the moon’s time to shine

 His eyes were like a spinning spiral, hypnotising...

Onomatopeia:

His keys were jingling in alarm

 Whack! A metal object sliced down the mahogany

Replace Weak Words:

She recognised the car: She recognised the black Lexus,
The red liquid from the axe dripped down on their floor: The red liquid from the axe dripped down on their marbled floor.
The same one her mother and father saw: The same one her mother and father witnessed. 

She couldn’t take her attention away from the man cutting a piece of a log: She couldn’t take her attention away from the man stabbing a log with an axe

The 5 senses:

Smell? The smell of freshly baked cake still lingered with a hint of rotten smell

Feel? The wind slapped her face but she felt numb...

Taste? Her tongue tasted iron...

See? a shadow had blocked the faint light of the street lamp...

Hear? The sound of a glass shattering was heard by the entrance...

Deleting Words:

Instead, the outside view was a scrawny man with his sagging mouth: Instead, the view was a scrawny man with his sagging mouth...
Amber’s brain mirrored her facial distraught, it was all distorted: Amber’s brain mirrored her facial distraught.

Insert Words:
certain car to take her to La La Land: certain car to gracefully take her to La La Land
His eyes: His chocolate eyes
She held onto the velvet couch,: She held onto the smooth velvet couch

Adverb Start:
Stealthily, she retorted back to the entrance

Begin With A Preposition:
Behind her house, she dispatched the body.

The -ING Start:
Seeing the distress in his daughter’s blue eyes, the man in the suit bolted to the door.

The Adverb Start:
Loudly, she yelled for help.

The -ED Start:
Headed to the back, a trail of thick blood led

The W-Start Sentence:
With her eyebrows scrunched and fist tightly together,